VPILE

VPILF is, of course (for the acronymically challenged) Vice President I'd Like to Eat. A shameless spin (hey this IS politics, after all) on the MILF acronym.

Now, when I say 'eat' let me be clear....

Okay....back to the point.

The "Right" to Appeal

One of the eternal difficulties in legal theory is crafting a judicial system that provides consistent results and predictability while allowing for the greatest amount of liberty and the least amount of harm. The easiest resolution to this problem is to grant judges wide discretion to make decisions. The downside to judicial flexibility is lack of predictable outcomes and the possibility of an unjust judge. Fundamental concepts of justice are used to temper the ability of a judge to run amok – due process, habeas corpus, and jury trials. If all of that fails, you have the right to appeal.

So translated into a relationship context for a traditional relationship:

"Do" Process: "Honey, would you do this for me."

Habeas Corpus: Let her know where your body is at -- at all times.

Jury Trials: It really does matter what her friends think about you.

Right to Appeal: She is your Circut Court of Appeals and your Supreme Court.

Sometimes, I just aggravate myself for writing drivel that sounds like stuff someone would mass email around the globe and yes, I feel the dumber for having succumbed and even dumber for having posted this.

Vice

Other than Vice, of course.

Back to Reading.

Ten From the Big Guy 2.0

The obvious example of the stone written code of conduct is of course the 10 Commandments, of which the Pentateuch gives us two or three versions (Exodus 34:10-26; Exodus 20:2:17 and Deuteronomy 5:6-21) and which if the story is to be believed, Moses scrapped the Commandments Version 1.0 dashing them on a rock and we are left with Commandments Version 2.0.

MILF

Mother I'd Like to Fuck.

I have been referred to that by some of my daughters male friends. It feels nice to be recognized as hot, until you realize that they were in the 6th grade when you hit your sexual prime.

Ah well.

The Reason Kafka is Sexy

From a phonetic standpoint, the hard consonant "k" repeated sounds a lot like a good hard fuck, that "k" being the clapping sound of flesh striking flesh, which has a lovely symbiotic relationship to at least one version of the history of the word "fuck", which claims it came from an old German word meaning to strike. You don’t think a "k" sounds like a good manly hammering?

Read the following sentence and tell me if you can’t hear the head board slamming.

Fucked and licked, sucked and dicked, kunt and kock, kome, Kafka, kome, Kafka, kome, Kafka, kome.

Literalist in Hell

I’m on a bit of a literalist kick this morning. The fundamentalist states that hell is hot, which wouldn’t be so hot, would it? Just a thought.

IST ANGST

Besides being cliched, the idea that men are emotionally incapable is an incredibly sexist comment. The lauding of the superiority of any gender, race, political party, philosophy is the quickest way to “IST” hell. Think about it. If all your thinking can be encapsulated in any term ending in -IST, you need to either rethink your position or simply start to think. “-IST” thinking is shallow, dogmatic and too literalist. Being an IST is about being in a box.

Honestly, this has nothing to do with the dentist that put me under, with ether of all things, and proceeded to only get half my tooth extracted before I woke up screaming in agony. If I hadn’t rammed the tooth in my skull with a pogo stick, I wouldn’t have even graced his sadistic door. Dentists are just fucking weird anyway. It is not a mistake that there is a Dentist in Little Shop of Horrors. Where do you think they came up with the title to the show, the man eating plant? Unless you are some kind of horticulturist, the only little shop of horrors in that show is the dentist chair replete with medieval torture devices.

Other IST lists exist, but I created my own Icky IST List:

Racist
Fundamentalist
Capitalist
Communist
Socialist
Fascist
Feminist
Masculinist
Economist
Religionist
Atheist
Egoist
Egotist
Orthodontist
Dentist
Hairstylist

I am not an anti-ist-ist. There are some IST words that I find quite appealing, such as fist, mist, list (of course), abolitionist, and most certainly gynecologist (and if you say that was sexist you are completely missing out on the point of this incredible digression).

The point is labels not only define, they confine.

I guess that makes me a nonconformist.

Embedded Political Statement

If the Department of Defense can embed journalists into combat units, I'm going to embed a video into my blog. I've just got this thing for librarians, but usually librarians can articulate. I'm fortunate that Vice (not the Vice Presidential canididate, and god forbid she becomes the Vice President) has the sexy brunette, librarian thing going and she is articulate. I am going to "in bed" Vice and embed this minor political statement about the VP candidate.

My Country

The United States – I’m not so nationalistic and naive so as not to realize that the Internet is global, that I'm using a double negative and that someone outside of the 48 continental and its two bastard children, Hawaii and Alaska might actually stumble across this blog.

Verbal Fucking

This is not just about talking dirty--your typical porn talk : "Yeah, yeah, fuck me, harder! Yeah!"

NO.

This is about caressing my inner ear as if a tongue traced along my slit, lightly touching it until I eagerly beg for more. This is about words, punctuated by a medley of innuendo so slight yet powerful as to make my clit stand at attention. This is about massaging my mind and opening it gently, peeling back every fold until the very opening is exposed to reveal a hungry aperture, slick and eager for another penetrating utterance.

Now, back to my musings....

Fond--Fondly--Fondle-y

To think of someone in an affectionate manner is to be fond of them. Now the word fondly is the adverb version of the adjective and it's prefix, 'fond'. To surreptitiously grope them in front of their spouse or others would be fondle-y. Good, let's continue.

Tit for Tat

What I mean by this is, what's good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander--metaphors aside...if I get to fuck other people (women), so does he. *sigh*

CDD

Christian Domestic Discipline.

ouch.

Bent

He he he he

Open Relationship

While I refer to an open marriage or relationship, there are many versions of said relationship. The version to which I am referring is a marriage that allows for other people to be a part of the sexual dynamics of the relationship. Whether the third is a permanent part of the dyad or whether thirds come and go depending on the needs of the couple is of no consequence; what matters here is monogamy is not the hard and fast rule. Back to business.

Ensuring that I dont' appear Heterosexist

Or asshole or mouth for those of the same sex male variety or the orally fixated – the idea here is to not be exclusionary – .I just need a dark hole for the metaphor to work.

Vice

I know I promised to divulge the meaning of "Bent" and "Vice", but I don’t think it will be today. I need more readership before I divulge the big secret behind our names. One very cool side benefit is that nearly every time I write "Vice" there is at least a double, triple or quadruple entendre. I love Vice.

Black Hole's Metaphoric (Not Meteroic) Definition

Black holes, the bastard child of relativity that suck all the fun out of the universe, are an interesting metaphor for dark things you can’t escape. A dark hole you can’t escape . . .If I say anything else, I'm in serious shit.

True Story

No really, she did. I came back and put in the footnote later -- much later.

Cliffhangers

The cliffhanger has long been a mechanism to increase readership. Now, at this point I don’t have a readership, hell, I probably don’t have a reader. Cyberspace blogging can be so fucking depressing, no wonder David Foster Wallace killed himself, and he actually published books that people pretended to have read. The problem is I’m not Charles Dickens writing Great Expectations for a serial publications back when people actually read, I’m Bent and twisting in the cyber wind of digital fucking, but I’m still not going to tell you yet what "Bent" and "Vice" mean. Stay tune.

Thongs in a Twist

Before you feminists get your panties in a bunch or your g-strings up your ass crack, I mean "cunt extraordinaire" in the context of her cunt is extraordinary, not in any way a negative reference to her gender, but rather to her anatomical gifts. If you are offended by that and female, then you are a "cunt extraordinaire" in all the horrific patriarchal and masculine ways you can think of and should click on this link now to take you to the National Organization of Women, if on the other hand you are the 20% of the population that actually understands irony, please click here to return to the blog.

Conjunction Junction

Conjunction reminds me of conjoin and a crossing, a bringing together of disparate things into one. Junction is a crossing, a combining, a fucking if you will. This means "and" is the only true conjunction. "But" is a concurve, taking one thing and then sending you around the curve in another direction. "Or" is a conopposite, a non-fucking if you will. "Male and female" is vastly superior to "male or female", but even "or" can be redeemed by "and", i.e. "Male or female and male and female" is an excellent menage a trois image made possible only by the "and". You have got to love the fucking "and."

Mundane-ity

I know the word is mundane, but mundane-ity has that magical ring implying a boring insanity. Someday I’m going to actually create a word that ends up in the dictionary.

For future reference the links on words are this blog’s version of footnotes. The link is the only logical way to footnote a blog. Footnotes were always a distraction I loved, maybe because I have a limited attention span spawned by the constant media advertising barrage that limits attention spans to somewhere between 15 seconds and 15 minutes. The blog reader's limited attention span prompts me to write diversions directly into my blog narrative. So if you are reading this, you need to work on your attention span. Also, I have to make a tribute in my initial footnote to David Foster Wallace, who bit it last week at his own hand.

Click here to return to the narrative from which I have distracted you.